A Diary of a Teenage Drug Queen

The Book



My memoir is about drug dealers. It's written in the voice and perspective of a teenage girl. As a teen in the 
1980s, I lived in a hidden suburban subculture. I spent my days raking in the cocaine bucks for my dapper, thirtysomething Columbian boyfriend. I spent my nights dancing at a disco and drinking heavily.

Most dealers live like chameleons, hiding in plain sight, but with America's huge drug habit they are ubiquitous. Drug dealers have a surprisingly interesting ethos unknown to outsiders. They live by elaborate rules and codes and use an intricate methodology to conduct business. They are far more organized than people imagine, and they see themselves as business people and entrepreneurs. Serious dealers who want success don’t use drugs, and they deal to other dealers, not to users.

The book is written as a diary in a novel style. There is no reflection or analysis. There is simply a salacious story full of colorful characters and dialog.

Memoir Noir 

Three years ago during arguments with my editor I suddenly knew how to describe what I was creating. I compared my book to Film Noir movies where there are no heroes; everyone is destroyed at the end, and the characters learn no grand lessons (though it certainly discourages the viewer from bad living). Most viewers cringe while helplessly watching characters slip towards their inevitable demise, driven by an unending series of bad choices. Noir is stressful and scary but some people love it, maybe the same people who like roller coasters and horror films.

According to filmsite.org, “the primary moods of classic film noir were melancholy, alienation, bleakness, disillusionment, disenchantment, pessimism, ambiguity, moral corruption, evil, guilt, desperation, and paranoia.” All of these moods are prominent in my book

My favorite Film Noir includes The Postman Always Rings Twice, where both main characters are dead in the end. She accidentally killed by him; he executed for her murder. And Out of the Past, where both lovers are killed while escaping gangsters and police. The lives of these couples are bound by evil deeds they did together. All of them are bad to the core; there's nowhere for them to go but down.

My book contains just such a couple. Life wrote the outline and events, not me, although I was there, making the endless bad choices. Sometimes real life is just like the movies.